Menopause Stories from France - Annette

Joan’s Note: I met the contributing author, Cecile Charlap, through my membership in the Society for Menstrual Cycle Research. She is completing her PhD in Paris with menopause being her dissertation focus. She is sharing three stories from her collection with us at WHD.

Annette is 57 years old and lives in a small village in the north of France. She is retired and used to work as a teacher in a nursery school. She has 2 sons and 2 grand children. Her husband is retired too and worked as a teacher in a grade school.

Annette’s menopause began when she was 51 years old. She felt it was a natural process, as menopause is part of the natural life-course:

«At first, I saw my period less and less. The periods ended quite simply. I was happy to be done with periods. I was in my fifties, it felt right be menopausal»

Even if she suffers from hot flashes, she wanted to put up with them because, to her mind, it is part of a natural process:

« I told myself, ‘‘ I want to have a natural menopause’’. The more natural, the better. Even if I had severehot flashes, I wanted to endure them, I wanted to bear my suffering with patience »

For Annette, hormonal treatment goes against nature and she refused to take any :

«when I talked about the hot flashes with my doctor, he suggested I should undergo a hormonal treatment but I refused because it is a drug, it’s chemical and they say there’s a link between chemical hormones and cancers»

She points the lack of support from her doctor. To her mind, doctor provide no informations about alternative treatment for menopause and even despise them:

« I refused to undergo a hormonal treatment and I talked to the doctor about natural alternative treatments, like Chinese or Mexican ones, but he just said ‘‘oh, herbs, pfff’. So I said ‘‘well, thank you! I’ll see by myself!’’ If you’re not into hormonal treatment, they really let you down»

Annette underwent a natural treatment out of herbs. Unfortunately, not only the hot flashes didn’t stop, but they even got worse. After two years enduring them, Annette eventually turned to the hormonal treatment:

«the hot flashes were so unbearable that I couldn’t go on. At first, I thought it would stop, but it didn’t! I’ve had enough! I went to a doctor and underwent an hormonal treatment, which really helps»

Even though it helps her, she sees her resorting to hormonal treatment as a failure:

«I felt bad having to take drugs because what I wanted the most was to have a natural menopause. To my mind, if the body doesn’t produce hormones anymore at menopause, it’s for a reason and one shouldn’t give the body hormones if it doesn’t want any. It’s not natural»

All through the menopausal process, Annette could count on her husband’s support and kindness. She underlines that he was in touch with her needs and helpful:

«I told my husband about my hot flashes and he always said ‘‘don’t worry, it will pass eventually’’. He even gave me advices, like, he reminded me not to drink hot coffee, because it’s no good for hot flashes. He saw when I felt bad and would help me. For instance, when I was so hot at nights, having terrible night sweats, he would go up and bring me dry clothes in the middle of the night»

She tells how important it is to have an understanding partner during this period:

«you feel so terrible during this period that you really need to count on your partner and to share it with him. It’s like a trial. It’s a moment when you see what partnership really means: if you can’t count on each other, no need to live together. During menopause, your partner has to be understanding and has to take you into account »

For Annette, menopause is all about hot flashes. When she will be done with what she feels is a pervasive symptom, her menopausal process will come to an end:

«I long for the time when I’ll be relieved, no more hot flashes. I wait. When it comes, everything will be in order again. And I’ll call menopause history »